Don’t Be Too Busy

About a week ago, I wrote a Facebook post with a picture of the garden bench in my backyard with two large Chrysanthemums in full bloom on either side. I said I wished I could sit on the bench with my mom and have a nice long talk. Then, I asked my Facebook friends who they would like to sit and visit with on the bench.

I was so amazed by how many people responded. Almost everyone wanted to sit with someone who had passed away. Like me, many wished they could sit there and have another chat with their moms. Some wanted to sit with other passed away loved ones such as brothers or husbands.

Death often comes quickly and unexpectedly and can leave words left unspoken. The day before my mom died, I talked with her on the phone for about 30 minutes. And, we had the best talk that day. I’m so grateful for that.

I told her about her new great-granddaughter, Claire, who had just been born four days before. My mom was in such good spirits and so excited to hear about this wonderful new baby in our family. She wanted to know about Claire’s middle name and how big she was and the color of her hair and indeed all the things one asks about a new baby.

As we ended our call, she told me she loved me, and I told her I loved her. I said I would call again very soon. I didn’t know that she would die the next day. I certainly wasn’t ready to let her go. How could someone be so full of life and vibrant one minute and then be gone just 12 hours later?

This is my last photo with my mom at Christmas just one month before she died.

It’s so important to say the things you need to say to the people who matter to you while they are alive. I felt like I did that with both of my parents.

It’s been 19 years since my brother, Jeff, passed away unexpectedly after back surgery. He was just 41 years old, and I thought we both still had at least half a lifetime together as brother and sister. He died, and to this day I don’t know if he knew how much I loved him and admired him. We were both in the busy years with kids at home and we lived in different cities. I didn’t call him as much as I could have or should have because I thought I was too busy.

I graduated from college the same year Jeff graduated from high school!

I regret the things I never said and especially now that we are both grandparents, there are so many things I’d love to talk with him about.

Don’t miss the opportunity to tell your loved ones how much they mean to you now. Don’t be too busy. Tell them how important they are in your life and that you’re glad they’re your mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, grandmother, grandfather, neighbor, friend…fill in the blank. Tell them you love them. It will strengthen your bond in the present and will give you peace later.

Author’s note: This is a book that helped me tremendously after the death of my brother.